Christmas

Upon returning to London I felt a burst of energy, a desire to take advantage of where I was and what I was doing. In the new year I wanted to find a house share, make some new friends, get a job… just ‘live like a Londoner’! But… it wasn’t going to be easy to remain up-beat… Christmas was coming upon us and heaven’s knew this was the first Christmas I’d spend without my family. I felt so far away.

Kelly was kind and tried to cheer me up one night, we headed to a comedy evening about 20minutes away from our house. I’d taken Nigel to a comedy night for his birthday one year – it had been great – but this place… just brilliant. I don’t think I’ve laughed so much in my life. The place that we went to is quite renowned in London, some of the most famous comedians start out playing at this club. I sat half the time with my mouth wide open – completely shocked at what I was hearing, crude, rude and ridiculous… not to mention hilarious. The club itself was oldie-worldly, it was beautiful. You initially walked through a darkened pub, populated by voices and the smell of burgers and fish and chips, old signs of Guinness and Scotch Whiskey, candelabra’s giving off low light, flickering over the patrons. Through the pub you walked up some stairs and came out to what looks somewhat like Shakespheare’s globe (bar the fact that there is a roof on it). There was seating upstairs in a ring centuring toward the main stage, then tables and seats below with a small bar hidden at the back. It simply felt ‘aged’ in the quaintest of ways.

I’m excited about spending another Christmas in London, now that I know people and can experience it with others, enjoy mulled wine in Covent Garden while watching street theatre, or partake in pasta and being warmed by a fire and listening to the amazing buskers in the quadrangle. Or wandering down Oxford Street, laughing at the displays, seeing children begging to go into the Disney Shop to play with Cinderella and Snow White. I am looking forward to ice skating at Somerset House, in the open air, and listening to the carollers. All of this I have already experienced, but as fascinating and heart warming it was in 2008, it was hard and lonely… wanting the company of my parents, or my sister, or Nigel.

I’ll go over the Christmas season quite quickly. It was difficult time for me, so far away from home and everyone I knew and loved. I’d not made any new connections of great depth so there was a lot of time to think, which in certain circumstances, is no great thing.

Kelly and I spent time decorating her flat with a wealth of Christmas tid bits including tinsel, hanging reindeer, happy santa’s and holly that we’d retrieved from different places. The high street in Balham, the stalls outside the Natural History Museum, and things I’d collected while wandering around the Hyde Park Christmas Fair. I must say, England does ‘DO’ Christmas in a way that Perth does not. Covent Garden with Christmas carols being sung and played live through the avenue’s, mulled wine here and there, Chestnuts being cooked at every corner, infront of every tube station… everywhere. Although freezing, people seem more amicable, pleasant and everyone making eye contact, connecting with each other in this festive season. I wonder if its so much the season, that it is the desire to get through the depth of winter, best remain positive and embrace one another. At any rate, its something I’ll miss and one of the reasons I decided to stay for another lonely Christmas.

Christmas day was filled with food, presents and television. My first Christmas without my family and to say the least, that was desperately hard. I discovered first hand the fact that people embrace Christmas very differently in each family. It is good, in a certain way, because I now appreciate so much more the Christmas’s that I’ve been privileged to.

It was difficult seeing my family on Skype in the morning, hats on heads, wine in hands, jovial and laughing, and wishing I could click my heels and be there. I could feel the summer heat coming through my computer and felt as if I was worlds away from where I wanted and needed to be.

The generosity of my hosts, however, was heart warming. The food, thanks to Kelly’s Mum, Linda, was to die for. The house looked magnificent, the mulled wine, delicious, but it slid by, a day like any other for the first time. Presents brought tears and the reality of being thousands of miles from home struck. I spent some time walking in the green across the way and enjoyed a moment of realisation as to where I was and who I was going to be and that although hard to be away from family and loved ones… it was a choice that I had made and one that I would embrace. At the same time, its sometimes nice to be reminded how much people mean to you, distance and the heart and all that!

The house seemed so small that day, like I couldn’t breathe – but I think it is the missing of things that gives you that sense of being trapped. I spoke to Nigel briefly, he was having a BBQ with some friends and it sounded as if the whole world was rejoicing. I didn’t realise how important Christmas was to me… but maybe it was just that two months had passed and I missed what was familiar.

I suppose one realisation is that people truly make experiences worth while, that every beautiful thing can be made more beautiful by embracing them with those you love and care for, that there is nothing more lonely than looking over your shoulder when you’ve seen something that you want to share, and realising there is no one there.

I allowed myself to feel that way for a couple of days, but was focused on starting some work, putting some more money in my pocket and continuing my adventure… or London existence at least.

After spending days calling employment agencies trying to see if there was any sort of work available I was at a loss. The ‘Credit Crunch’ which was constantly on the news and everywhere you looked, had meant there were no jobs in Financial HR… or HR in general. With people being layed off here there and everywhere, there was no need for people to assist in the finding of candidates, which in turn meant that Employment Consultants were losing their jobs at break neck speed as well. So there was little hope for someone on a Working Holiday Visa to find any employment in my chosen area. Giving up on my fruitless mission I decided to seek work that basically provided me with money – my expectations weren’t great.

I ended up finding work as a receptionist at a law firm right in the middle of the city, about 5 minutes walk from St Pauls – it’s a beautiful area with the clip clopping heels echoing through the streets, all the fabulous designer suits, ladies in striking heels, lawyers sitting outside at bars pretending to work over a boozy lunch. All rather surreal and I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb with my well worn brown boots, trying to keep my hair down with an oversized white woollen hat, too-small gloves that didn’t go with a thing, not to mention my green bag breaking up the monotony of what I was hoping to resemble professional attire.

It was winter and deathly quiet in the office, I hardly met a soul, however it felt nice getting back into normality, even though it was pitch black when I left the house and pitch black upon my return. There was something beautiful about how freezing it was, the knowledge that Christmas was coming and even though cold and Christmas was something unusual to me, that strange feeling of Christmas was almost projected from the people I passed day to day. The holly above thresholds of the shops, strings upon strings of silvery tinsel in shopping centres, Christmas carols singing out of pubs (and again I must comment on the amount of pubs, one at every corner and then some).

So I had work, next thing… New Years. I don’t think I’ve ever had what could be considered to be a ‘good’ New Years, I hoped, stupidly, that this year would be different. It was in a way, different, at least… I don’t think the best I shall ever have, there is time for something greater, but it was unique for me, and unforgettable.